Following the governments success in promoting awareness of the symptoms of strokes, they now want to use the same strategy to round up heroin addicts.
"To spot the signs of heroin addiction, you have to think and act FAST. Do they really need money to see their nanna in hospital? Why don't they wash? Why are the so thin and in such a hurry?"
F is for F***** - are they overly familiar and 'elated'?
A is for Arms - are they covered up even on a hot day to hide puncture marks?
S is for 'Speech' - do they keep banging on about money for 'cups of tea' and 'bread rolls' even though they never touch any food they are given?
T is for Trouble - are they scrounging and stealing from everyone they come across including their family?
A pilot scheme is to be rolled out in Brighton which is sadly crawling with the critters but to relieve pressure on emergency services an 0300 number will be available soon to notify the authorities and gradually round up these Zombies.
Part of the Isle of Wight is to be sectioned off to allow 'the damned' to decide what they want to do with their lives without bothering anyone.
A home office minister stated "If they can stay clean for 6 straight months they will be released but anymore trouble and they'll be back in. We reckon the reduction in crime and annoyance is certain to be dramatic and a relief to many."