Written by John Nugent
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Monday, 30 June 2003

image for Home Office tighten security after Parker-Bowles break-in at Windsor
Parker-Bowles: drunk as a goat

Home Secretary David Blunkett has apologised to the Royal Family and promised tighter security after last week's break in at Prince William's 21st birthday 'bash'. Invited guests at the party were shocked to see Camilla Parker-Bowles run wildly on stage just as the young Prince was making his birthday speech.

Park-Ya-Balls, 85, stumbled drunkenly in front of William, gurgling into the microphone: "Fancy a shag, Charles -- I've got some new lemon-tea-flavoured condoms."

The Royal Family are said to be shaken, disturbed, and in one case, utterly utterly aroused. The party was in full swing when the break-in ocurred. Games such as Pass the Crown-Shaped Parcel and Pin The Tail On Princess Anne's Front Teeth were being played "with general merriment". The sudden appearance of Parker-Bowles shocked all the guests, and even caused the Queen to "die." (Medical experts later found to be not true.)

The unwelcome intruder had entered the palace via the back door, which Metropolitan Police had 'forgotten all about'. CCTV footage later showed the Met being distracted by a balloon, which mystified officers with its "balloon-like qualities". Det Supt Charles Manson later defended his officers blunder, stating that one constable had his balloon burst and refused to stop crying "until his mummy came and picked him up".

Parker-Bowles has sent the Royal Family into turmoil, with Prince Harry "coming clean for a few days" and Prince Phillip now only taking three dumps a day. As one palace spokesman, going under the name of "Prince C.", told TheSpoof.com: "That dirty whore. She's going to get such a spanking tonight."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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