Written by queen mudder
Print this
Topics: Derrick Bird

Friday, 4 June 2010

image for Lamplugh killer Derrick Bird killed local estate agent
At the Hardnutt Pass scene of Bird's own suicide

Cumbria - (MDMA Mess): Detectives were today tracing the 'E'-shaped trail taken by deranged Cumbria cabbie Derrick Bird's path of carnage.

Starting with the fatal shooting of twin brother David at High Trees farm in Lamplugh the rampaging killer also struck Frizington solicitor Joseph Commons, Egremont mole-catcher Isaac Dixon and Seascale estate agent Jamie Clark.

His own shotgun suicide at Hardnutt (sic) Pass near Boot woodland brought the eventual gruesome tally to thirteen.

Media sources have noted a spooky resemblance with the questionmark-shaped trek of James Joyce's Ulysses hero Leopold Bloom - whose somewhat drunken schlep through Dublin in the highly regarded 1922 novel continues to baffle.

Cumbria police however stressed this afternoon that the 'E'-shape path was purely coincidental and that Bird had not injested any of the entactogenic party drug Ecstasy, commonly known as 'E'.

London estate agent Suzy Lamplush vanished in 1986 after a rendezvous with mystery client Mr Kipper.

Make queen mudder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Stop - Warning

The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature.

This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

To confirm you have acknowledged this warning, and wish to continue to read the article, please click the following link.

Otherwise, please click here to go back to the home page.


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 3?

5 6 21 9
66 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more