Written by Charpa93
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Tuesday, 1 June 2010

image for English Dismiss Claims American Crossed Channel With Balloons
No, Not This Kind of Balloon, You Nimrods.

Media outlets across England, including newspapers and television stations have picked up on a story that a man successfully crossed the English Channel by floating above it with an over-sized bunch of balloons. However, right after the initial landing in a cabbage patch in France, and the first reporter got to the man, they realized there had been a terrible mistake.

This man did not appear to be English. By all accounts, he appeared to be American. The denials began immediately that this man was anything other than a crazy Englishman out for the glory so many other British have become famous for.

Said one reporter from Dover, "It simply isn't true. We believe the man is actually English with a very good American accent. We cannot have foreigners coming over here and stealing our thunder even if it is for ridiculously stupid things like holding onto a bunch of balloons and floating across the English Channel."

Said another, "Besides, if it truly were an American what did that, wouldn't it make sense he did it in a place less hostile to his achievements, like across the dangerous Detroit River? Or better yet, over the oil infested waters of the Gulf of Mexico? Why the English Channel? It's boring, it's calm, and it's English for cripes sake."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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