A sheaf of highly classified documents left in a non English speaking cab in London allege that the rampaging oil spill is part of an elaborate 'going away present' from former Prime Minister Gordon Brown!
The 500 page document, appearing legitimate due to water marks traced to #10, hand writing analysis scrawled in the margins, and DNA matching Drool Marks to the former PM and several high level unelected, but powerful decision makers in Labour outlines a bunch of 'dirty tricks' as the parting legacy from the disgraced party.
Included in the portfolio is a copy that the former Treasury Secretary left for his incoming successor, where he wished him well saying, "Well, actually good luck and all that, but, there's no money left!" Handwritten notes in the margin exclaimed, "Har! Good One Peter!"
A separate photo and document addendum shows pictures of new treasury secretary, oops...scratch that, former new secretary David Laws holding hands with his gay lover and presenting him with his monthly rent check paid for by Taxpayers. Laws resigned over paying his partner $60k over many years, but retains his MP post in Yo-Yo Ville.
Next, there was a sheaf of real estate closing statements from Law's hastily appointed replacement, Danny Alexander, purporting to show he avoided the capitol gains tax in Britain through a loophole. Notes indicated that "these should be made public at the appropriate time...release them at two day intervals! Har! Bastards!"
Also included were several DVDs documenting the Gulf Coast Oil Spill from an aerial view, and recordings of President Obama stuttering his way through some photo ops trying to look Presidential. Also included were expense vouchers for 400 unemployed census workers given BP tunics and paid $12 and hours to show up for a photo op with the President during his 2nd visit to the stricken coast line where he spent 3 hours getting his feet wet and was shown washing a turtle.
The note in the margin questioned: "BTW, what did we do with that bust of Churchill that the "Arse****** returned....hope we didn't leave it behind at #10?"
As further embarrassment to the new government were copies of several warning notices from DustBin Police citing Alan Taylor , 'The Cannibal Killer,' for mixing body parts with chip shop papers for collection. One note even said, "We can not accept body parts mixed in with copies of Page 3. Please insure all body parts are disposed of properly either through the kitchen disposal or flushed down the loo. Further violations may lead to reporting you to authorities, investigation and a $150 fine. Thank you for your cooperation."
The margin note commented wryly, "Har! Probably sent this notice with the UK mail system....no wonder he went on a bit longer than is usual!"
A great portion of the document had been redacted leaving the rest of the world wondering what ever could be up next in Gordo's Bag of Tricks!