The new coalition government, the first coalition government since the war in case you didn't know, has outlined radical changes to the drink driving laws amid tumultuous scenes in the commons. Official government spokespeople have issued the following statement to explain the new laws.
"It is commonly known that around one in three road accidents involve someone under the influence of alcohol or other substances. This simply is not good enough in a great nation. This government has the national interest and not party interests at its heart. Therefore, as it is apparent that you are twice as likely to have an accident if you are stone cold sober, we intend to introduce legislation allowing for the prosecution of any driver found to be below the drink drive limit.
This will be a great step forward for this country. By halving the number of accidents, we will at a stroke save the NHS enormous sums of money, and increased sales of alcohol will help to stimulate the economy."
Being old fashioned (well, she is 84 after all!) Her Majesty was not happy with this and refused to include it in her speech, but with two parties now in power she realises she is outnumbered and no longer has a divine right to the casting vote in such circumstances and has gracefully accepted defeat."
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has hotly denied suggestions that former LibDem leader Charles Kennedy is the brains behind the new thinking.