The Duchess of York, once shown topless with a lover sucking her toes, went "all the way' this time with with her latest 'Naked Video' showing off her insatiable greed as she allegedly offered to sell access to the Royal Family, and primarily to her ex-husband Prince Andrew.
Apparently the current cost of doing business with the Royal Family has been raised to the Princely sum of $724,000 taking into account the recent drop in parity to the dollar of the pound. Of course there was the down payment of $40,000 to cover 'routine expenses' during the negotiations with the bogus businessmen who had caught Fergie out with a scheme to 'play for pay' that was too good for the high living 50 year old to resist.
With a history of 'charities and foundation', most of which have come to naught and left believers holding the bill, The Duchess is currently being dunned for over $300,000 in unpaid bills, broken promises, in her quest to live the life of the Royal and indolent Rich.
According to the zoftig Diva, her 1996 divorce from Andrew only entitled her to $22,000 a year, while she sniffed "Diana got over $20M!"
Fergie, looking like a lump of pasty white flour, and not near her presentable self after hawking a diet program that had paid a few bills and pared a few lumpy pounds, apparently has fallen off the wagon, and now just looks like any other dowdy 50 something has been.
"It's just not fair," she was heard to confide in friends over Tea,"Labour gives more to terrorists and child abusers then to someone like me. I don't even have my own council house, just a one room and a small closet in Andrew's carriage house over those smelly collection of cars....I'm not even entitled to Health Insurance or an expense allowance that I could fudge!"
Meanwhile Gordon Brown has denied, vehemently, that his infamous gold sale while Treasurer, with still unnamed Nigerian Speculators, was arranged by the Duchess of York, who reportedly got a down payment, plus 1% of the proceeds.
Said Brown, "she might have introduced me to a few of those dark fellows, but what do you take me for....I would never have sent them gold in exchange for just a promise of billions of dollars freed up from the Nigerian Bank...maybe from North Korea, Greece, Portugal or Spain....but not from Nigeria...can't trust the Buggers...no future innit, eh?"
Unnamed sources close to the Crown says that negotiations are underway for Fergie to become a spokesman for Unite at a 'reasonable' salary, with a signing bonus in excess of $500,000 so she may pay off 'a few pressing bills."
The first commercials are said to already 'be in the can', with the Duchess shown pushing a tray of coffee and cake down the aisle wearing a sign saying "Fly Me! I'll Take You for the Ride of Your Life!"