An inside source at a leading American Newspaper has claimed that Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, made an even bigger offer this week to a super rich Italian Art Dealer called Pietro Mancini.
It is claimed that Fergie offered to introduce Pietro to someone even bigger than Prince Andrew. She said she could introduce him to the Queen, who could then in turn go on to introduce him to...G O D.
The Italian was said to be shocked and stunned by the fantastic offer, but still very interested. He'd been in negotiations with the Pope to see if he could arrange a meeting with God, but the Pope had told him that only the Queen of England had access to such hallowed greatness.
In return for this introduction, Fergie is said to have asked Pietro for one million pounds in 20 pence pieces. She is said to have hinted she might bury it in her garden in all different places so the tax man would have a really difficult job finding it all.
The deal was brokered at double quick pace and within fifteen minutes, a ten minute phone call was arranged on The Queens special hotline to God.
Fergie advised Pietro that she had talked to God before and knew what to ask for and how to ask it. She said that it would be very wise if he wrote down everything he wanted to say to God before he made the phone call because he might be so overawed he'd forget what he wanted to say.
Fergie also advised him to make lots of requests because God had excellent healing and resurrecting powers. He was also good at finding hidden treasure in fields so he had to take a pen and paper to write down map coordinates.
Fergie is said to have made only one further request of Pietro in return for her introduction...and that was for a £10 note for the taxi fare home. Pietro presumed that this was because she didn't think the taxi driver would want to accept his fare in 20 pence pieces, and she had no other money at all.
Upon being asked by the Italian what she had spent all her money on. She replied "Cake. I spent my entire fortune on cake. Terrible addiction. I tell everyone I meet to stay away from it...so I don't have to share, ha ha..."
By Katarina Frogpond.