Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Potato, Jersey

Friday, 21 May 2010

image for Jersey Royals Getting Bigger Through Climate Change
Liverpool Supporting Red Jersey Royal

From Spud Chipps, science correspondent - Britain's favourite summertime spud, the majestic Jersey Royal has been changing in recent years, according to potato afficionados, and it looks pretty much like climate change is the culprit.

A new potato, the Jersey Royal - grown exclusively on the island of Jersey - is so delicious that it can be eaten simply boiled and garnished with a sprinkling of salt and a knob of butter as a snack delicacy.

But there has been consternation this week as the Jersey Royals on sale at UK supermarkets and greengrocers appear to be significantly larger, less yellow, and less flavoursome than they have been in years gone by.

"They're still very nice," Dolores Ludd, a really old woman from Andover - who has one of those shopping bags on wheels, a bit like a golf cart - told us. "But they're not as tasty as they used to be. And they're bigger than I remember them. And you can't peel 'em any more by rubbing 'em with your thumb. I puts it down to global warming I does."

Dolores' friend and fellow stray cat enthusiast, Fenella Ballcock, agreed. She said:

"During the war, you couldn't hardly get 'em. Not unless you had 'em smuggled in on a doodlebug or something. I used to get them sometimes because my late husband, Tommy used to be a skindiver in the navy. Sometimes he'd bring us a bag back from one of his missions, and they were lovely. They're just not the same now."

Dolores Ludd remembers the war as a time of great austerity when young women would put gravy browning on their legs to make it look like they were wearing stockings when they went out on the pull, trawling for American servicemen. But according to her recollection, the Jersey Royals were much better back then, in the 1940s than they are now.

"I suppose it was colder back then," Fenella Ballcock reminisced. "You had to wear a big overcoat and a cardy when you went out. Even in August. And you couldn't get bananas for love nor money. And back in them days, TheSpoof.com was miles funnier than it is now."

"Oh yes," Dolores agreed. "They used to run stories back then about Hitler only having one bollock, Goebbels having no bollocks at all, and Hermann Goering having a really tiny cock."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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