London - (Thongs Can Only Get Wetter): A sordid Whitehole (sic) rumor mill says the ex-Prime Monster is Nick Cleggover's birth father.
John 'Underpants' Major was famously blasted by Blair mouthpiece Alastair Campbell about 'tucking his shirt-tails into his Y-fronts'.
And although the former PM bitterly denied it UK redtops saw no other printable explanation for Major's peculiar 'nappy-bot' gait.
Special Branch cryptologists immediately decoded Campbell's statement and found traces of reptilian DNA masquerading as human genome.
"Another classic Hellfire Club cuckoo," UK National Poisons Unit's Prof V Smartt commented today.
"We reckon Major shagged Camilla Shag-Kydd just before her first 'official' marriage to Silver Dip-Stick-in-Waiting Andrew Porker Balls.
"La Reine ne va plus, as they say in the Downing Street casino."
Miriam Cleggover is 69.