Written by Lady Godiva
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Topics: Police

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

image for Plastic Policemen/women needed, Takwana Smith & Anitakapita Jones of Cargo Fleet are applying
Hell, it's my brother! (Lady Godiva)

The Police Force in England is much undermanned, or underwomened. Too many civilians and not enough 'plods on the beat' shall we say, according to the news.

Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, of Cargo Fleet, Middlesbrough, recently in the news for boycotting Iceland shops as a result of hearing about the recent volcanic eruptions in Iceland (see past stories by this writer), have decided that it's time they, "Go' ou' and 'elped the communi'y," to quote Takwana Smith. (Bless her little cotton socks, or her 'bling' paid for by her drug dealing boyfriend and father of her 3 children).

Tired of hearing about the petty crimes going on where they live, they've decided to do something about it.

"Yeah, too bloody right we ah," said Takwana during a recent interview, "Well, Christ, me an' our lad 'ave bin broken inta three times in the past two munths. They tuck me imitation 'cottage' ornaments and even me make-up and some of our lad's Playboy magazines. A went to a car boot sale in Redca' and saw the lo' of our stuff on one o' those stalls. Freaking criminals.

Our lad tuck our stuff back and give the lad a Middlesbrough kiss - that's like a Liverpool kiss and a Glasgow kiss, but in a differen' accent.

Arm right fed up wi' the buggers A am - so me an Anitakapita 'ave pu' our application thingies in to be 'plastic policeman'. That's no' real police yer know, but 'elping 'em owt. A fink we get uniforms an' stuff".

Anitakapita added, "Yeah, like we wanna do sumfink for owr neighbours like. A know we'll ge' paid, bu' we're no' in it fer the munny, are we Takwana?"

The 'ladies' are awaiting letters telling them when to go to the Cleveland Police Station for their interviews.

It may be a LONG WAIT......

More as their story unfolds.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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