Written by Timothy Jesuit
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Monday, 17 May 2010

image for Left-wing Brits "growing impatient" while waiting for Cameron to be massively evil
Cameron: Curbing his naughty

Britain's left-leaning population is "fed up" with David Cameron's refusal to commit any significantly nasty acts, according to a report released today.

With the BBC still intact, the NHS not yet reduced to an ineffective shell of its former self and many public sector workers still apparently in jobs, many are wondering when they will be allowed to spit futile invective at the thus far quite reasonable administration.

"It's ridiculous," said one lentil-powered source when asked for a response. "I was only five when Thatcher was in charge so I've never had a chance to truly despise the Tories. It's no exaggeration to say I've grown a bit older while waiting for this moment, and what do they go and do? Curb their more extreme conservative tendencies and form a coalition government with a liberal party. Scrap ID cards and cut back on security cameras. Make it so we don't have to listen to Peter Mandelson any more. It's just so unfair. And not in the good, class war-type way."

This point of view was echoed throughout the comedy community, with many older entertainers hoping to dust off their anti-Thatcher routines with some of the names changed put in the awkward position of having to come up with vaguely original material instead.

Even leading cultural commentators are baffled. "I'm not entirely sure what's happening," said a man, "but I think what we're seeing here is the ultimate collapse of the British left. What will replace it is the next big question - I'd say probably a sculpture of some grapes, or a carrier bag made of pigeon eggs. I could be wrong though - I have no actual idea what I'm talking about."

Encouragement for the left was provided this morning when it was confirmed that George Osborne still exists.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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