Tyneside - (Newcastle Bitter): Apparently last January someone read a satirical story to Cheryl's barely literate jailbird brother.
Andrew Tweedy, 29, was said to be fascinated by the saga of Simon Cowell's alleged paternity of 'national treasure' singing star Cheryl Cole.
Now the revelations are threatening to go supernova as Tweedy feels the goosebumps of his remand wing cold turkey 10' x 10' cell.
Last week he and four others - including the missus - were busted for armed robbery of a Newcastle post office and subsequent money laundering charges.
Little sister Cheryl has stoically refused to hand over the readies that could secure her brother's bail.
At his Las Vegas penthouse today showbiz mogul Simon Cowell is staying schtum.
Nepotism has always been a minor technical glitch in the UK entertainment industry.