Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 15 May 2010

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They Know Where It Is, The Dirty Thieving Pikey Bastards!

Metropolitan Police Detectives are speaking to a number of people following the disappearance of the famous old FA Cup trophy from victorious Chelsea FC's Park Lane Hotel.

Having earlier defeated Portsmouth 1-0 in the showcase Wembley Cup Final, the Chelsea team and club officials went to the hotel for a celebration dinner, leaving the trophy in the hotel safe.

Which proved to be not very safe at all.

It is believed that Didier Drogba, scorer of the winning goal and winner of the Man Of The Match award was the first member of the party to discover the loss. Rushing upstairs, Drogba alerted club Captain John Terry, and star left back Ashley Cole, who were "chatting with" some French woman and a hair stylist in a private suite and the alarm was raised.

Strangely, one of the first witnesses on the scene was Manchester United captain Rio Ferdinand. Eyewitnesses report that Ferdinand was jumping up and down in a state of high agitation, pointing towards Hyde Park Corner and shouting that it was the 'Pikeys' who had stolen the trophy.

Police immediately launched a hunt for some 'Pikeys' but only succeeded in detaining a Brazilian scaffolder based in Leytonstone, and a hopelessly inebriated woman of no fixed abode.

At the time of writing, the FA Cup has not yet been recovered, and one Met Detective told us off the record that by now the 'Pikeys' will have probably melted it down and moulded it into 'lucky' thimbles which will be sold door to door by a pair of wizened old hags.

A laughing Rio Ferdinand insisted to us that: "It was the 'Pikeys' what done it!"

The original FA Cup was stolen from a Birmingham shop window in a smash and grab raid. And melted down for scrap. Probably by 'Pikeys.'

A spokesman stressed that Ian Lavender, 'Pikey' out of Dad's Army was not involved.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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