Scotland- (Rotters): "It's a wee blood-sucker alright," Birkhall village resident Dr Hamish McHaggis said today, "noted for a ferocious bite and ability to cause immense inflammatory pain.
"Some reckon its true habitat involves grubbing around inside furry ermine-lined knickers.
"Long live Bunny Prince Charlie, och aye!"
McHaggis was commenting at locals' scorn about the firstborn fruit of Camilla's loins.
Their derision about the royal cuckoo's name points out that a clegg in Gaelic vernacular means a common whorsefly.
"That's enough to make the entire Scottish nation convert to the fetid SNP," McHaggis warned balefully.
Last Tuesday Nick Clegg's triumphant foray into the deputy prime monstership of the UK saw him firmly esconced into Tory poisoned chalice territory.
The move has caused outrage everywhere including among Scottish locals who see the Glib Dem leader as yet another Hellfire Club tosser shoehorned into the puppet throne of Albion.
At their Scottish retreat this weekend Charles and his faghag spouse are severely miffed.
Miriam Clegg is 69.