Two Lesbians have been forced out of an Anglican Church because their continued sexual activity was hitting the collection takings. St Muff's in Much Licking, Dorset, has banned the two Lesbians after a series of incidents.
The pair were caught behind the organ during a rousing rendition of Onward Christian Soldiers. Next they were seen in the pews doing things with candles. After this they were spotted in full on Lesbian action on the altar.
Reverend Ron Nathan said "I don't mind lesbians-especially if I can watch-but nobody paid attention. When the plate was handed round it was usually empty. The choir master was most upset. It's even put him off molesting young boys. The young mother's group have refused to come back following an incident with the pulpit, a hymnbook and a statue of St Anthony. I have to ask these ladies to leave."
The Anglican church moved quick to deny any allegations of homophobia. A statement said:
We do not discriminate. We actually like gays. Look at Richard Cole. However, we draw the line at gays who actually do it. I mean, actually having sex. They can be gay, just they must not actually BE gay."