Written by Earl Grey
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Friday, 14 May 2010

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The Fox and Hound, Bethnal Green: to serve sandwiches?

After the smiles came the cuts. And none bigger than the cut to the Olympic budget. The new Coalition Government has wasted no time in making cuts to public expenditure.

The Olympics were won at a considerable cost to the nation. Now George Osbourne, the Chancellor of the Exchequer, has slashed the budget. Gone is the expensive state of the art stadiums. In their place come several new, budget sporting venues.

The athletics are set to be held in the car park of the Fox and Hound, Bethnal Green. Landlord Ron Nathan said that he would make an extra effort. "I'm going to make some sandwiches and we might even start selling tea and coffee."

The swimming and the water sports will take place in a paddling pool in the back garden of 154 Major Road, Stratford. As space is limited only swimmers under 5ft 3 will be allowed to compete.

The marathon will follow the normal London course, but the cycling has been moved to Milton Keynes, where racing around the roundabout is a new event. Chris Hoy is delighted. "I've trained for this event for years. At last!" said the cyclist in between mouthfuls of bran flakes.

David Cameron is said to be delighted with the cuts and is expected to encourage Osbourne to go further still. The NHS currently still treats patients. The Government will look at schemes to get rid of all sick people.

Nick Clegg, asked to justify his party's involvement in a Government that is cutting public spending said "I can't really. I just wanted to be in Government."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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