David 'Dave' Cameron has announced that Nick Clegg is going to fag for him at 10 Downing Street. Prime Minister Cameron is looking forward to having Clegg warm his crumpets over the fire.
Cameron, an Old Etonian and a member of the legendary Bullingdon Club, has been searching for a new fag ever since Boris Johnson ran off to become Mayor of London. Liberal democrat leader Nick Clegg was the ideal choice. Puny, small and with a desperate need to gain favour. He would do anything if he could hang out in the prefects' room.
Clegg has already ran his first errand, being sent to see the new bursar Osbourne, and he returned with a chit for lemonade, cream buns and the important crumpets.
Later tonight Clegg will be in the middle of the room, trousers down, with a hot, buttered crumpet between his cheeks. Should Clegg fail to perform his duties properly he may find himself in trouble with the headmistress Miss May, who will hand out the necessary punishment.
The BBC's Nick Robinson said "A couple of rich public school guys in Downing Street and a Conservative government..... oh, I've just had an orgasm."