Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Monday, 10 May 2010

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Who is Nick's Simon Cowell?

A senior political insider has revealed tonight that Nick Clegg has shocked both the Labour and Conservative parties by making some strange demands.

The Insider claims that even before Nick Clegg agreed to meet David Cameron at Tory HQ, on Friday, he sent a list of all the things he wanted to be in the negotiating room whilst the talks took place. The list included some interesting things.

First on the list were 5 bottles of Jack Daniels. Next were 100 packets of Pickled Onion Monster Munch, and third was a selection of fluffy kittens in all different colours.

The political insider said he was shocked by the demands and thought the first two seemed to suggest that Nick Clegg thought he was Noel Gallagher, which is okay because that's quite cool, in a 90s retro kind of way. The third demand however made the insider very confused. This was not the demand of a King Maker politician with a gameshow public persona, this was the demand of a Diva...like Mariah Carey or...Beyonce.

Whispers within the walls of the Parliament buildings are beginning to become quite loud...and the whispering people are beginning to voice quite loudly the concerns that they have about the way the last election was held.

A 90 year old political watcher who has witnessed almost all of the political events of the last century was heard to say "I'm not surprised that these demands have gotten out of hand. If a country runs an election like an audition for the X-factor, you're always going to end up electing an egotistical, self serving narcicist who puts his own self interests above those of everyone else's. But usually with the X-factor everyone is controlled by a very visible Simon Cowell figure. Who's Nick's Simon Cowell? Where in the Shadows is he hiding? Its very worrying"

By Katarina Frogpond

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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