Written by K.C. Bell
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Monday, 14 February 2005

image for Prince Charles, Camilla Wedding Off
"Any takers?"

The BBC reported today, that the rose petal road to everlasting happiness with the announced engagement and impending April wedding between Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles, has developed a major pothole. Presented with a thirty page prenuptial agreement by the Prince's secretary, Carter Bookington-Jones, Mrs. Bowles planted a right hook to the side of Bookington-Jones head, followed by a rabbit punch to the back of his neck as he fell. She then stormed across Clarence House, into a private luncheon meeting Prince Charles attended with his new Keeper of the Shoes, Bradley Templeton-Smith, and demanded an explanation after taking aim and throwing a tin of cordovan boot polish at the Prince's head. As luck would have it, the Prince was able to make his hop, skip and a jump Fred Astaire move, avoiding the tin of polish, but unfortunately the luck did not spare Mr. Bradley Templeton-Smith, who was struck and collapsed to the floor.

"How dare you send Carter Bookington-Jones to deliver this prenuptial agreement asking for my signature, suggesting that after thirty-five bloody years of waiting, left on my own when you took off to sea like Captain Nemo, following two disastrous marriages, four children, affairs layered one after the other like trifle pudding, labeled the whore of the United Kingdom that destroyed the fairy tale marriage, victimized by the press, accused of being on the public dole at the tax payers expense as your mistress, and now you suggest with this paper, that we had a two month whirlwind romance, and I'm some gold digger waiting to get my hands on your filthy money?"

"Actually, it's rather pristine."

Mrs. Parker Bowles was reported to have picked up a chair in one hand, swinging it slowly over head like a lasso and taking aim. Advising her to put the chair down, saying they could discuss the matter as two rational people, the Prince added, "Whatever rational means."

The chair was flung across the room. He was quick to leap into a backward Matrix cartwheel, having mastered the move growing up with Princes Anne. "I'm certain our differences are not irretrievable."

"I'll show you irretrievable." She pulled off her Manolo Blahnik heel, took aim and like a missile, propelled it across the room. The agile Prince made a giant sumo wrestler squat, as the shoe sailed overhead and spiked into the wall behind. "And you can keep this faded, second hand ring as well," she said, throwing it at him. He managed to catch the ring on his middle finger.

Informed of the altercation, Tony Blair hammered his guitar on the floor. "No April wedding, no May victory for Labour. I'll have to call George. Back to plan A."

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