Windsor - (Grim Reaper Mess): "This could be the death of her!" slimy treasonous king-maker the Duke of Norfuk moaned today as news of a massive political impasse continued to dominate UK headlines.
It was supposed to be tomorrow - the 65th anniversary of VE Day - when the new incumbent of No 10 arrived for a slavish and sycophantic Kissing Of Ass - er...Hands! - following yet another historic landslide general erection.
Fat chance now, of course.
All day long Old Fatty Mountbatten has been beseiged by strange visions of a hung Parliament as politicians continued to squabble about who's the new top dog at No 10.
"The old battleaxe is apoplectic," Lord Chamberlain Lord Luce-Cannon hissed at courtiers amid reports Gorgon Brown remains dug in at No 10 claiming squatters' rights.
"Ratarsed since February, she's hallucinating and drinking neat gin out of the old Queen Mum's pint mug," Luce-Cannon added.
What with Princess Diana's nephew David Cameron hammering on the front door and Nick Clegg demanding an intimate one-to-one the Queen seems close to bursting point.
Inside the three foot thick walls of Windsor Castle a SNP piper plays the Lament. And Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, plans her own humunguous high-bling coronation.