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Saturday, 8 May 2010

image for Brown in 'Dirty Protest'
Cameron: Will have to get his hands dirty

Gordon Brown tonight indicated that he would not willingly leave No 10, but that he would resist, possibly involving a protest mimicking the "dirty protests" so synonymous with 1980's Northern Ireland.

Mr Brown explained that he would use any legitimate process to prevent Mr Cameron from forming a government and entering No 10 Downing Street. "Although we have been fucked in the polls, I will personally see fit that this house is uninhabitable for at least a year. There will be so much smeared shit throughout the house, both mine and Sarah's, including in the cabinet office, that government will be impossible. I alone have the power to clean up politics."

"He can fuck off," Mr Brown barked at journalists later when questioned, continuing to employ his affable style that has charmed voters. "I am the Prime minister and he can fuck off and you can too", he added.

Mr Cameron later today offered his wife to any leader who would join in a coalition with him. "She will do her duty. She will do what the electorate ask her to do. She is ruling nothing in and nothing out."

When asked about Mr Brown's 'dirty protest' Mr Cameron responded swiftly, "I said I wanted to roll my sleeves up and that is what I will do. But I will wear blue marigolds."

Nick Clegg, the leader of the Liberal Democrats agreed to comment on the propsosition of engaging in sexual intercourse with 'Sam Cam'. "We could have done things so differently, but we fucked it up. What a waste of time. Still,at least I am on for one."

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