Exit Polls suggest that tonight will be the very last night that Britain is governed by a normal party. The exit polls suggest that by tomorrow our country will be ruled by a party that only has decadence and human destruction as its main political policies.
That Party is a party that is masquerading as a surprise main forerunner in this election but behind closed party doors it is always referred to as the Secret British Vampire Party.
The Vampires have become annoyed at the way they have been denied and ignored and have now arisen from their nocturnal slumber to bombard the British polling stations with their votes.
In previous years the Vampires didn't think they could win and election because they didn't have a young, pretty candidate who looked like a gameshow host. But now, with the emergence of a Vampire called "Nick", they are in the lead in the exit polls and it looks very much like they are going to win.
Tomorrow we will be under the rule of the Vampires and all British Citizens will be expected to donate a pint of blood a week in order to keep the vampires happy. Parliament is expected to be closed during the day time hours because Nick will be returning to his nocturnal ways the minute he wins.
All garlic imports will be banned and crosses and Christianity will be outlawed. Funeral directors on the other hand will be called upon to provide coffins for the whole country because Nick wants normal humans to be included and not be left out in the cold. He thinks they'll be happy with his gift. It costs £700.
A source close to Peter Mandelson said. "We never saw this coming. We've sleepwalked into Social Amagheddon. Its the end of the world as we know it...but we'll get used to it. At least Britain didn't let the Tories win.