In an astonishing outburst of what many describe as childish tit-for-tat baiting, (read: typical politics) David Cameron revealed his inner right wing leanings by goading the PM in a West End sushi bar, as the voters decide their respective destinies.
Cameron goaded the PM by calling out "Get a job, chunky boy!" in front of dozens of amazed lunchtime diners.
Brown responded by giving Cameron the finger and hissing, "Coalition, dick head. Coalition."
"Keep one eye on the prize salad dodger," Cameron retorted. "You'd know all about that. One eye matey, one eye."
"How often did you take it up the bum at public school then, and when did you 'CHANGE' into a heterosexual?" Brown roared.
At which point, shocked staff were obliged to step in to prevent the situation possibly escalating into violence.
"Oh my God!" said shocked US tourist, Emily Garterbelt. "You guys really take your politics seriously! For a moment there I thought I was in Taiwan or somewhere."
"That was nasty and uncalled for," onlooker Henry Heigh-ho spluttered. "That poor man will probably be out of a job by midnight, and the posh one seems intent on kicking him while he's down."
A homeless man, shocked by what he'd heard scurried away into a nearby Underground station, obviously terrified, because "Everybody's looking at me funny."
More as we get it.