Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 6 May 2010

image for Tactical Voter Shoots Himself In Polling Station
Tactical Pie Chart, Courtesy Of Bolton Council.

The first casualty of the UK 2010 General Election was reported just moments after polling stations opened, when Bolton man Krystov Kowalski, a construction worker, shot himself in the kneecap with a nail gun as he attempted to lodge a tactical vote.

Kowalski later blamed TV election pundits for giving him the idea of tactical voting. It transpired that Kowalski linked the concept of tactical voting with tactics similar to those involved in football, or chess.

As a result of this misconception Kowalski flitted from booth to booth with his election papers in order to completely bamboozle the opposition - a bit like Harry Rednapp.

It was as he was flitting from booth to booth in a bid to confuse election officials as to exactly what tactic it was that he was secretly planning, that a nail gun he was carrying at the time accidentally discharged a two inch nail into his kneecap.

"He must have banged it while he was hopping about," ambulance driver Biggie Johnson said. "It all looked a bit nasty, but I reckon he'll make a full recovery."

"That really, really hurt," Kowalski groaned. "They took the nail out and patched me up at the hospital, dressed the wound like, but I still can't put any weight on it. And it throbs like buggery. I reckon I'll be off work now for at least a fortnight. Bah! Pesky elections..."

"Frankly, we thought he was a bally raving blooming lunatic," a canvasser from the local Conservative Party commented.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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