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Topics: University

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

image for Top University to offer degree in "State Scrounging"
A Chavee Girl

The University Of Merseyside has created a controversial new degree which aims to educate young females in how to successfully prolong their time claiming benefits. This bold move from Liverpool University stems from recent criticism it received from governmental figures complaining that the University was not recruiting enough "local", students.

The entry requirements of the Bachelor Degree are rather unusual, most students will need only 5 grades E (or below) GCSEs and have least one child born during their teenage years. Although the course is not going to start until September 2011 there has already been over 15 million applications, its believed candidates will now have to be short listed by key attributes such as family size, father diversity and lack of work experience.

To the disappointment of most of the UK public it's believed the degree will be a storming success, unfortunately its estimated that the young women graduating from the course will increase their earning potential by at least 25%. Many of the degree modules will be focused on preparing women for their late twenties when their kid's reach 16 and family allowance is ceased. This is a big worry among the single mum as the lifestyle of shopping and boozing has to be reduced. Merseyside University believe it essential these young women are educated early in how to get around this reduced income, for example the core module in year one is titled "Ideas for claiming incapacity benefits".

Deprived, Idol Claiming Single-mums (DICs) are sometimes viewed as parasitic slut bags but not to the Professor responsible for constructing the Degree; Dr. April Fool views these women as Patriots. Dr. A Fool strongly believes these young DICs should be embraced as admiral pioneers; ultimately they have found a way of adapting their lives to avoid working. The last 10 years has seen an exponential growth of teenage Mums in the UK with many young females confidently accepting it a career move. It is now easy to see why young women are opting for this career pathway when it's now more cost effective to have a Sprog and give up work than work a 39 hour week at you local Co-op.

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