The Prime Minister, in a last ditch attempt to remain in power, er, no, in an attempt to appear transparent and fair, has decided that in order to save the country a fortune, the general election is being canceled in favour of a simple 1 hour election process that kicks off at 4pm on election day and is set to conclude by 5pm. It is also to prevent Peter Snow wearing Hush Puppies on prime-time television.
At 4pm on Thursday 6th May, 651 chairs will be placed randomly around Westminster Green outside the Houses of MP Expenses. All the Prospective Parliamentary Candidates (PPC) will be asked to join hands and form an orderly circle around the House.
The Band of the Coldstream Guards will then proceed to play a suitable tune, such as "Pretty Vacant" or "Heaven knows I'm miserable now", and as they do so, the PPCs will start to move in an anti-clockwise direction.
When the music stops, or the man with the bagpipes is shot by HRH The Duke of Edinburgh for looking too foreign - whichever occurs sooner, the PPCs will run for the nearest chair.
Those who manage to find a seat will be deemed to be elected to be part of the next parliament.