Written by Joe Dent
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Thursday, 10 February 2005

image for Charles To Marry Camilla
"Make sure you wash it first."

Prince Charles is finally set to marry the woman he's been having secret sex sessions with for over thirty years says Clarence the Horse.

On the 8th of April, the prince will at last take Mrs Camilla Parker Bowles up the aisle, something he's been wanting to do since the early 1970s, when he first felt Mrs Parker Bowles' warm hands gripping his ears as he rogered her senseless in the back of a Land Rover.

But should the prince ever become king, Mrs Parker Bowles will not be queen. Instead, she'll be known as Princess Strumpet.

The Queen has greeted the news with delight, while the Duke of Edinburgh shrugged his shoulders and muttered, "Well, I suppose Charles will be happy but she's not as fit as Diana so I might as well have those spy holes I drilled into the bathroom walls filled in."

But the marriage could be problematic, since Mrs Parker Bowles' former husband is still alive and many Anglicans are opposed to the remarriage of divorcees. However, a royal spokesman said that this may not be an issue as Mrs Parker Bowles' former husband will be taking a trip to Paris next month with a chauffeur supplied by Clarence the Horse.

The Spoof asked former lover and noted art critic Brian Sewell what it is that makes Mrs Parker Bowles so alluring to the Prince of Wales.

"Well, she's no oil painting, but she does give excellent head."

But will the public accept this marriage? The Spoof turned to bagpipe expert, professor Billy "Goats" Gruff.

"You have to remember that the majority of people in this country are thick," said professor Gruff. "They believe whatever the tabloids tell them. If the tabloids come out on the side of the prince, so will most of the public."

Conservative leader Michael Howard said the news was: "Bloody marvellous!" He added: "They were banging each other long before the prince met Diana, they were banging each other while the prince was married to Diana, they were banging each other after Diana died. And they're still banging each other. Long may they bang!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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