Rochdale, LANCASHIRE - A major agency whose business is finding look-a-likes of celebrities has scoured the whole country for a double of the 'unelected' Prime Minister Brown, but unusually without success. Being so wildly unpopular, means that a double could earn a small fortune, perhaps more than the real thing for looking glum.
Some have asked, why is there not another Gordon Brown? Is he an alien sent down to prepare us for an invasion of gloom? What can we do to persuade the Mother Ship to take him back?
What Gordon Brown is, is a cyborg financial assassin, the Cyborg Terminator. Sent back from the year 2029 by a collective of artificially intelligent computer-controlled machines, the Cyborg Terminator mission is to attempt to bring about the financial extermination of Britain. As seen in the first Terminator adaptation.
It what must be the first time in modern British politics that a party run by a bully, the Cyborg Terminator Gordon Brown, encapsulates his character as their election strategy. Liebour's only offering to the electorate is fear; in effect "Be more afraid of them than us."
The sequel, Terminator 2, the Bigoted Judgment Day, the cyborg Brown meets an ordinary citizen of Rochdale, a Granny, who is out shopping for a loaf of bread.
The Rochdale Granny began a litany of questions to the Cyborg Terminator, about the deficit, student loans, and tax credit for pensioners. This was the sort of face-to-face confrontation that the Cyborg Terminator detests. Each time 'Cyborg' trotted out one of his robotic answers, the outspoken Rochdale Granny cut him off with another question.
"You can't say anything about the immigrants," the Rochdale Granny complained, "but all these Eastern Europeans what are coming in, where are they flocking from?"
Clearly keen to end their discussion, which had lasted five minutes, the Cyborg Terminator patted the Rochdale Granny on her back. "It's been very good to meet you. And you're wearing the right colour," Cyborg added, pointing to the red lapels of Rochdale Granny's coat. With a smile and wave, the Cyborg Terminator climbed into the car.
One of the most incredible points to reveal about the incident was how easily overcome the Cyborg Terminator was, by what appeared to be a decent woman, the Rochdale Granny, who asked him very simple questions, and this is the guy who is trying to convince the British public he is a tough decision maker!
Two-faced Cyborg Terminator then sought to blame sub-ordinates for his own cowardly failings. The only word the Terminator used correctly was disaster, then again, that's cyborg Terminator's area of expertise. For once the Cyborg Terminator believed he was safely out of earshot, a very different personality was in evidence.
The Cyborg Terminator: "That was a disaster…"
Cyborgs' Aide: What did she say?
The Cyborg Terminator: "Well, just...You should never have put me with that woman. Whose idea was that?"
Cyborgs' Aide: "I don't know, I didn't see her."
The Cyborg Terminator: It was Sue I think...It's just ridiculous."
Cyborgs' Aide: "They're pictures, I'm not sure they'll go with that one."
The Cyborg Terminator: They'll go with it."
Cyborgs' Aide: "What did she say?"
The Cyborg Terminator: "Oh, everything, she's just a sort of bigoted woman who said she used to vote Labour. I mean it is just ridiculous."