Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that he was too tired to fart, and that he couldn't guarantee his local Conservative Party candidate that he'd turn up at the polls on Thursday either.
Blaming overwork, and a hectic rock 'n' roll lifestyle, which sometimes involves staying up after 10pm feeding the cats and singing along to old Slade records, Shuttlecock told us:
"Vote? Maybe I'd vote for the Monster Raving Loony Party, but not Esther Rantzen. Or Brown, or Cameron. or Clegg. I just can't be arsed. I work 12 hour shifts and pay my taxes. If I had to vote for someone to represent me, I'd vote for TheSpoof.com writer Jesus Budda.
Because he's a bit mad."
Jesus Budda said that he has no plans to stand in the forthcoming General Election, on account of Hull City being relegated, but that now interest has been expressed, he might just think about it.
Providing somebody sends him the footage of Crystal Palace and Sheffield Wednesday fan clashes on the pitch at Hillsborough following the final whistle in their crucial relegation clash.
And a nice cup of tea and some tasty ginger snap biscuits.
Jesus Budda is a part time Chelsea fan. Steven Gerrard is currently advertising in the Liverpool Echo, for a sense of direction.
Sadly, Cheryl Cole, despite her best efforts, is still only 5'3"
Martin Shuttlecock just went to bed.
More as we get it.