Hampshire Police today issued an all points bulletin warning the county's populace to be alert to sudden outbreaks of thimble smuggling.
Chief Constable Artemis Aureole warned Hampshire residents that not everybody was hiding from that great celestial orb of blazing fire - the sun - which has put in several unexpected appearances of late, following a lengthy period spent lurking about but not really doing the business.
Aureole cautioned that some people welcomed the bouts of solar intrusion, and many people - mainly females - have taken up thimble smuggling. Such females can be readily identifiable as thimble smugglers by the presence of two thimble type protuberances, usually situated in the breast area of skimpy summer tops.
Hampshire Police pointed out that thimble-spotting, whilst in many cases providing a welcome diversion for red blooded males going up the shops, or the bookies' can be a traumatic experience in some cases. In its extreme form, thimble smuggling has been known to induce severe headaches, nausea, and even projectile vomiting.
It appears that not all thimble smuggling females are of the Lad's Mag or Page 3 variety. Or quality.
"You get some right mooses out there," Aureole warned. "They don't care who they hurt when they let 'em swing wild and unfettered. Great big sweaty Betty's with lobster sunburn, rolls of flab, greasy hair and sunglasses - usually from Paulsgrove, Rowner, Shirley or Popley. There's nothing remotely erotic about these thimble smuggling mooses. They're enough to put you off your tea."
Reports are coming in that a group of men from Whitely are retaliating against beastly looking lycra-clad thimble smugglers by starting a 'Put 'Em Back For God's Sake!' movement.
So far, three people are reported to have signed up.
Look out for the sparks. They will fly.