The recent decision to ban 'smacking' of children in the UK has turned London into a hellhole of mischief.
The call for the ban was a knee jerk reaction to the recent court case where a teacher beat the cuff out of a student with a dumbbell after the little monster set fire to the classroom with a Bunsen Burner.
How one idiot can ruin things for the rest of civilization is becoming a standard in everyday life and in response to the news 70,000 hooded cretins descended on Oxford Street armed with cricket bats beating tourists mercilessly, looting, pillaging and inflicting uncountable monetary damage.
Local police were mysteriously unavailable during the melee until it was discovered the force had been sent to 'sensitivity training' for just this reason. They were taking courses like 'Stern Talking To', 'Proper Finger Threat Positioning' and 'Wait until your Parents find out'. Fortunately we are blessed with CCTV and every one of the little hellions was identified.
The police descended on each domicile of the culprits and immediately arrested the parents who face criminal and civil charges stemming from their lack of skills.
With the parents in jail we suggest any one in the UK go somewhere safe for the next few weeks. Somalia is nice this time of year.