Written by Mike Roberts
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Sunday, 25 April 2010

image for UK anti-spitting law - Lewinsky speaks out
Spitting is a fundamental right for women

New laws being introduced in the UK to make spitting in public a criminal offence, needed to address the problem of 'sticky' pavements in major cities throughout Britain, have brought condemnation from Monika Lewinsky, the White House intern involved in the Bill Clinton 'Spermgate' scandal.

"This is a preposterous idea," she shrieked. "It is a basic human right that a woman be able to spit if she wants to."

She went on to point out that if such a law had been introduced in the US then the whole Clinton scandal would never have been uncovered. "There is much more at stake here than simply a matter of taste."

A young, and very embarrassed, Whitehall civil servant said that Miss Lewinsky had "Quite clearly got hold of the wrong end of the stick." and tried to calm her down by explaining that the law only related to spitting in the street and not to 'other' activities.

"Eugh!" said Miss Lewinsky, completely missing the point, "I can't believe people would do that. I mean, the Oval Office is one thing, but in the middle of the street, with people watching!" quickly adding, "Well, I didn't know they had cameras."

The young civil servant, by now turning a bright shade of scarlet, persevered, "I'm not sure how I can make this any clearer without drawing diagrams". Deciding to give it one last shot he began, "Okay, let's see if we can't clear this mess up ..."

"Hey!" said Lewinsky, "That's what Bill said."

"I give up!" said the civil servant.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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