If he can escape the damning evidence of unacceptable behaviour by his underlings in the Church, Pope Benedict will visit Glasgow, Scotland in September.
One of the highlights of his visit will be a performance, in front of 150,000 by the Scottish singer, Miss Susan Boyle. This will be watched world wide and the singer will build a new army of fans.
Simon Cowell is delighted, money comes to money he says. Plans are being made for a video provisionally entitled, "Susan meets the Pope who supports paedophiles"
The singer is said to be ecstatic and has chosen to sing "Flower of Scotland" as she proudly shows off her native country.
"We will all be so bored after a summer of listening to those rubbish English football and second world war songs" said the singer, "the world needs to know there is more to Great Britain than just England"