Britain is to send a team of specialists to India to educate them about British life. Soon the streets of Mumbai will be filled with puking, fighting maniacs, just like Luton on a Saturday night.
Indians are unfamiliar with dishes such as Chicken Tikka Masala or with drinks such as Stella Artois. This new British mission aims to put this right. Leading the mission will be comedian Jim Davidson, who has based his act on a red hot curry, twenty pints of lager and a heavy dose of racism, He said "I am honoured to be an ambassador for Britain. There was this Paki...."
Joining Davidson on his trip will be representatives of the Milwall Supporters Club, Nick Griffin and Carol Thatcher. They will promote the British way of life at special festivals in Mumbai and Chenai. Davidson will give a cultural speech entitled 'the night I burnt my ringpiece' and the Milwall supporters will give a practical demonstration of fighting on a stomach full of curry and beer.
The Foreign Office is hoping that this will just be the first of many such missions. Permanent Secretary Sir Hugh Tickle-Ballsack said "British culture can help to export British business. I wish the team every success."