Following the disclosure that Jimmy Carr is to present Channel 4's alternative Election Night Special on 6th May, Channel 5 have gone for broke.
Adolph Allersnatch, Channel 5's Controller, has told The Spoof, "We're going for broke. Topless Election Night Special. If this doesn't beat the Swingometer into a ditch I don't know what will."
Following their traditional approach of serving up porn on a shoestring, Channel 5 have lined up Katie Price and Jodie Kidd to be the anchors of the eight hour marathon.
Allersnatch said, "These babes have got the tits, the showbiz attitude and the knowhow to make Dimbleby look like a virgin in a whorehouse where politics is concerned."
Price, aka, Jordan, is overwhelmed by the opportunity. "I've been f****d for years, by all and sundry, so I think I know better than most what it's like to be f***ed. Hung Parliament? My favourite politicians are bloody well hung."
Jodie Kidd added, "Blokes keep saying, "Give us a blow job" or "Show us your fanny. It's not embarrasing, it's just time-consuming. I want to make myself available."
Channel 5 starts their coverage a full 24 hours earlier than other stations, with a re-run of the best bits of Shagging Olympics, 1988.