Hallelujah and Rejoice! - Susan Boyle fans are ecstatic at the news of their heroines new CD single. "Don't Fence Me In." They are even more wildly enthusiastic to see pictures of the foundations being laid for a wall and security fence round her new house in Blackburn, West Lothian.
With a 6 feet double wall and an electrified security fence, 6 feet high, the fans are jumping over walls at the happy news. They believe that the addition of a 10 feet wide moat guarded by alligators and wild Tomintoul devil haggis will deter all but the most foolhardy.
"At last" one fan said, "She will get peace and quiet away from all the media and assorted fanatics"
Fanatics are less than pleased to learn of a 12 feet obstacle between them and the Scottish singer who they believe is THEIR personal property.
Blackburn residents give an overwhelming thumbs up to the security features.
"This should keep them away from Susan" a neighbour said, "maybe they will be satisfied to spend their money in the village and leave us all alone at last"
Lothian and Borders Police and West Lothian Council officials are pleased as punch that they will no longer have to divert scarce resources to babysitting a bunch of juvenile, menopausal women.
"We can get on with catching criminals" said a police spokesman, "Instead of mollycoddling frantic women devastated because they have not caught sight of Miss Boyle"
"We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control" hummed a Scottish, Pink Floyd fan who also admires all that Susan Boyle has given us in such a short time, "all in all it's just another brick in the Wall"