It was announced this evening that following two boring televised debates between the UK's three main political parties, next week's debate will be replaced by a three-way jelly wrestling contest.
The rules are as follows:
- Each contestant is to strip to their pants and cover themselves in jelly.
- The contestants will compete in pairs to wrestle each other inside a giant jelly.
- Before the wrestle each contestant will give a 20 second summary (a spiel) of their election policies.
- The first contestant to pin his opponent wins.
- Any contestant seen swallowing jelly will automatically lose the contest.
- Whoever wins the most contests out of three wins the entire debate. In the event of a tie, judges will decide based on technique and style.
- The audience are required not to applaud during the contest.
Gordon Brown and David Cameron have both announced they are looking forward to the contest, declaring it was "much fairer than those very biased debates we had before." Nick Clegg has declared the contest unfair, oweing to his natural height disadvantage and his jelly allergy.