Modern Warfare is simply not as good as it used to be, say politicians, and Britain may well see a return to the golden age of militarism following the May general election.
The leaders of the two main parties, and David Cameron, privately agree that new wars are rubbish, and are looking for ways to stop people getting upset when soldiers die, and address growing concerns that people are not 100% sure we are the "goodies".
"Back in the past we had fights with people that were asking for it, like the Nazis", explained Dr Edam, Chair of Military and Cooking Studies at Doncaster Institute.
"We had blitz spirit and songs and rations and stuff that makes old people all watery eyed, Now it seems we just go out off to other counties that the majority of the great British public can't even find on a map and shoot people".
"The real concern is that no one can actually remember why we are still fighting: Oil? Bin Laden? Saddam? Al Queda? Taliban? I think it might be that no one knows how to get out of it without looking like a bit of a dick, or perhaps we have to stay there to clean up the mess that we caused".
"What concerns many is that it is even hard to complain about the war "because of the effect on moral of our brave boys and girls" - an argument used by the most ridiculous of fat headed retards - when ironically complaining might save them for when we really do need them", explained Dr Edam.
"What we need is a good scrap with some right royal bastards to bring back a sense of moral superiority", agrees Dr Edam, "a return to a golden age when everyone agreed that fighting was for something a bit more noble and we can have rations and black and white films and stuff".
A spokesperson for the government denied reports that it was reviewing its policy on Iraq or Afghanistan, "It's as likely as using a spoof article to make a thinly veiled political point" said a number 10 source, and dismissed Dr Edam's comments as "liberal hippy shite".