The Labour Party have announced how they will cut funding for the NHS without reducing quality - by only treating sick people. A spokeswoman said,"we are wasting so much money on fringe activities and want to reacquaint the NHS with its core principles - treating sick people.
"We are scrapping televisions, children's toys, children's entertainment, and we will force people to remain in beds at all times. All this walking around and calling nurses to pick things up for them are interfering with the nurses main functions of socialising with each other.
"If we just treat the medical bit and stop trying to be nice to people during the recovery phase we won't need so many nurses or other helps and we can save money.
"Under the pretense of controlling the spread of swine flu, we have already scrapped all children's toys from the children's wards, removed all play areas and out-patients creches and scrapped all books and magazines.
"This has already saved a fortune. By removing all televisions and other electrical entertainment we hope all our patients will just lie there and not move, thereby saving our staff from interruptions. We have also increased doses of tranquilisers to ensure that most people just lay there and do nothing. So far we have plans to save 100,000 nurses jobs and have just one nurse per hospital per shift."