A local Judge of The Mutton this morning told booze ban girl, 22 year old Heidi Hole that she represented everything that was corrupt and rotten in our society.
Adding for good measure that her vagina probably stinks to high heaven too, comparing it to a skip outside an offal shop on a hot summer afternoon.
Hole, of Bromsley, near Birmingham stood impassively in the dock as Judge Gregory Nimblefinger scolded her for being a very naughty girl before adding the cutting 'stinky vagina' remark to his case summary.
Hole was accused of assaulting a policeman, drunk and disorderly conduct, and of causing undue suffering to a one legged man whilst performing an act of gross indecency upon his person in a public place in broad daylight.
Hole, who is currently banned from entering licensed premises of any description for fear she might go off on one again, pleaded guilty to all charges but denied being responsible for causing the one-legged man to ejaculate into the waters of an ornamental pond last Wednesday. That, she insisted was 'his problem if he can't control his bleeding todger innit.'
Deferring sentencing pending social and psychiatric evaluations, Judge Nimblefinger asked Miss Hole if she had any interest in bondage and would she know what to do with a roll of duct tape, a gerbil, three blind mice, a jar of KY jelly and a bullwhip if she were to be offered them?
When Miss Hole replied in the affirmative, Judge Nimblefinger adjourned the hearing and was last seen heading in the direction of 'The Cow And Cunt' public house with her in order to obtain a greater understanding of the circumstances. With a donkey in tow. On a rope.
More as we get it.