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Tuesday, 20 April 2010

image for Health Secretary Andrew Burnham Ambushed by Lorena Bobbit
Cut backs? Cut backs? I'll show you cuffin cut backs.

What began as a routine procedure at Trafford Hospital turned into a bloody awful scene for Health Secretary Andrew Burnham when a staff member of the facility relived past glory. Mr. Burnham visited the out patient sector in order to have a vasectomy but the nurse on call held a grudge stemming from the Labour party's failed promise to 'cut back' on the number of bureau-clowns in the NHS.

"I'll show you a cut back". The attending nurse whispered in his ears as he succumbed to the anaesthetic.

Unknown to him, or anyone else, was the fact that the infamous pecker pruner, Lorena Bobbit, had fled the colonies, retaken her maiden name Leonor and received her nursing credentials.

The original press release of the confrontation stated the nurse had 'castigated' the unsuspecting politician due to the fact that NHS high-ups received healthy rises but the nurses in the trenches didn't get dick.

You know where this is going. We would have preferred to say Ms. Bobbit performed the first penal reduction surgery in the UK but what actually occurred was more like the last stage of a transgender procedure.

Authorities were called immediately to hospital but by then the avenging woman had fled with her prize(s). Both the culprit and the missing plumbing was apprehended at a flat that she shares with another famous ball snatcher: Monica Lewinsky. Charges are pending and Mr. Burnham is resting uncomfortably.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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