Written by Nae mair crap
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Monday, 19 April 2010

image for Chloe Hickinbottom heads to Calais to entertain our stranded tourists
a good day out says Darren

Gordon Brown gave Chloe's head teacher special permission to excuse the wee starlet from knitting, art and PE today.

Chloe is in Calais, handing out Union Jacks and belting out all the war songs. Ant and Dec are collecting, among the huge crowds, donations, towards the BGT Christmas Party.

As Chloe ran through her repertoire of forces favourites, ladies in the crowd, wept uncontrollably. Some, of course, were still not happy.

"'Ow can she effin' get 'ere and we carn't get 'ome" said one chav, "wiv all this cheap fags ahm losin' a bloody fortune back 'ome in Bolton. Me kids need feedin', ah haven't seen 'em for three damn days"

He was shouted down, "Moanin' twat" said a smiling Susan Boyle, "I'll be helping Chloe out soon, if she needs me, but she's damn good"

French ladies, handing out free baguettes and Croque Monsieurs to the crowds lapped up the war songs. Wine was off the menu, these Engleesh can't hold their drink.

" C'est magnifique, merveilleux, Vera 'as come back. Ooh Susan Boyle, elle va chanter?"

"Yes, I'm going to sing" smiled Susan, "Chloe and I will do Pack up your Troubles, It's a long way to Tipperary and Mademoselle from Armenteers, all the old favourites"

Darren Pickstock, 33, from Runcorn, cheered enthusiastically as he listened to his favourite chanteuse doing his favourite war songs. He has been in Ostend at a beer festival, a prize he won at the Roundhouse Pub Quiz Final, had heard Chloe on BGT and stole a cycle to bike it to Calais to catch a ferry home. His mates are still lying drunk in Ostend.

"I wouldn't miss this for the world" he smiled, "do, We'll Meet Again, Susan and Chloe?"

"Eeeee by gum, 'e's drunk" said Chloe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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