BBC Television's attempt to revive its most popular children's series was in ruins yesterday, when The Teletories drew lower ratings than the National Paintdrying Championships in Azerbaijan on Sky-Minus.
Like its much-loved predecessor the new series featured strange-looking characters living in a fantasy world of their own, where they never meet any real people. They make lots of noises but no sense. But changes to the main characters proved highly unpopular.
The new top Teletory leader is Dipsy Dave, who pretends to be green and talks through his hat. His sidekick George Tinky Winky carries a handbag. There's no money in the handbag but he thinks that all the TeleTories can have custard without having to pay for it.
Veteran character actor Kenneth Clarke was cast as Po-Face, but his performance was judged totally unconvincing.
"It was obvious that he thought all the stories were just make-believe", said top critic, Toto Dog, "And as for all the other Teletories - they were in Laa-Laa Land. The scripts were totally unconvincing - they wouldn't fool a two-year-old. No wonder all the viewers are saying Bye-Bye."