Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 17 April 2010

image for Goldman Sachs London HQ 'buried under volcanic ash'
Smothered in toxic ash much like the Shandor Building in Ghostbusters

New York - (Off-the-Wall-Street): Fallout from the Eyjafjallajokull glacier volcano has reached the London HQ of investment banking giant Goldman Sachs.

This morning its London office at former Daily Telegraph plant Peterborough Court/133 Fleet Street was looking a lot like the Shandor Building at the end of the Ghostbusters movie - smothered under a thick blanket of toxic particles.

Wall Street's most powerful bank has been charged with fraud by the US Securities & Exchange Omission following a string of blatant sub-prime scams.

These sold dodgy home loans to poverty-stricken individuals who were without a hope in hell of ever making the repayments.

These mortgages were then packaged up as investment vehicles and sold on to tosser institutions like the Royal Bank of Scotland - owners of royal bank Cuntts & Co.

Another Goldman arm then made billions of dollars worth of bets that the entire dodgy scam would go belly up - which it did spectacularly at the end of 2008 - making hundreds of millions of dollars profits for the investment behemoth.

As mechanics struggled to winch to safety Goldman CEO Lloyd C Blankfein's stranded chopper from its ash-strewn Fleet Street rooftop helipad City of London Fraud Squad officials were clearly having the last laugh:

"We think the $250 million 10 year lease they signed on their Peterborough Court HQ could be a forgery!" Fraud Sqwuad sources hinted broadly.

"Icing on the sub-prime cake, I suppose."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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