ASP (Associated Spoof Press) --- No sooner was Harry Potter author and fresh-baked mother of three, J.K. Rowling, wheeled from the delivery room to the maternity ward than she was harangued by a throng of mostly male reporters. Rowling gave birth a healthy baby girl after having spent eighteen hours in labor. But that didn't faze the journalists, most of whom were, by the way, men.
As camera shutters chattered away and camera flashes fired without cease, Rowling, sweating and exhausted, was bombarded with questions such as, "Will you name your new child Hermione? Who dies in Harry Potter 6? Why did it take you so long to write the book? Just how much money have you earned from the Potter novels? What about your ex-husband? Is he the inspiration for Gilderoy Lockheart?"
Rowling was said to have pleaded with the largely male crowd to leave her alone, trying to explain she had just spend eighteen hours in labor. Then she burst into tears and cried for her baby.
Rowling's husband, Dr. Neil Murray, and the London hospital's security officer, 73 year-old Kirwan Shah, said they had tried to keep the reporters, mostly a crowd of men, out of her room.
"We didn't stand a hope," Murray said. "The sheer numbers. There were just too many of them."
Shah agreed, "Dear God, I was terrible, I tell you."
Although the police were immediately notified, the grim spectacle lasted for nearly forty-five minutes, and it was not the "Bobbies", who are known for their kind and laid-back manners, that saved the day. It just so happened that ill-tempered, journalist-hating singer Sir Elton John, recovering from surgery for a bleeding ulcer, passed by Rowling's room.
"What happened then was a bit of a miracle," Dr. Murray said. "It was the first time I ever saw someone foam at the mouth. And the words that came out of Elton John's mouth - I just never knew the English language had that many swear words. He dispersed that crowd immediately."
This Spoof Reporter, himself a father of four, decided to leave the world-famous author alone that day, letting the new mother of a beautiful baby girl spend some time with her loved ones.