Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 15 April 2010

image for The First Election Debate - A Clear Victor Emerges
And The Winner Is...Not Him

They came, they saw, they wittered on...and on...But a clear winner emerged last night in the first ever televised election debate. Nick Clegg. By a mile.

SUIT

Cameron scored 4 out of 5. Nicely cut suit, neatly stitched, dandruff traces on collar. Nick Clegg scored 4 out of 5. Would have been 5, but he had that tack-stitching - too 1970's. Gordon Brown scored 3 out of 5 - nice suit, but again the large tack stitching.

SHIRT

Cameron really blew it with the shirt. Looked like it had just come out of the washing machine. Really shit collar, all lumpy, grey and horrible. Scored 2 out of 5. Nick Clegg - grey. Not good. Neatly tailored though. Tidy collar. Scored4 out of 5. Brown not too bad but a bit nylon looking. Probably silk but didn't look it. Scored 3 out of 5.

TIE

Cameron wore a really crap blue one. Shit. Scored 1 out of 5. Clegg scored 5 out of 5 for having the bottle to wear an orange tie that wasn't too loud, but looked surprisingly good. Brown only scored 2 out of 5 for a pink uncooked chicken type thing.

SHOES

5's across the board here for sturdy, well polished leather shoes.

RESULT

Clegg (Lib-Dems) - 18

Brown (Labour) - 13

Cameron (Conservative) - 12

SUMMARY

Basically they all talked a load of interminable bollocks, but Brown had the edge, Clegg made a fair stab at it, and Cameron still promised that basically 'Change' means 'not doing anything.'

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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