David Cameron, head of the Conservative Party, who satirists everywhere are praying wins the next general election (because he is so much funnier than Brown), is organising a fund-raising event with his old chums from Eton college, the prestigious but overpriced educational institute.
The event is to be called the "Fag Jamboree", because when a pupil begins at Eton, he is assigned an older pupil as a kind of a guardian or "fag". The designated term has nothing to do with homosexuality.
David Cameron's fag was a boy called Oliver Cumwell, who now works as a freelance massage therapist for men. He was unavailable for interview, but left a message that he "remembers Dave's enthusiastic gasps as he polished my helmet". Mr Cumwell has always been a keen collector of war memorabilia.
The "Fag Jamboree" will be a boy's only event, the theme will be "Vicars and Tarts and Raving Homos".