London, Friday. Following his announcement to institute a one party republican state, Gordon Brown has proclaimed himself Emperor of the British Isles and Commonwealth. Brown made the announcement on YouTube and also over BBC World Service radio.
The former Prime Minister, looking very pompous and totally unbalanced, said that all subjects will address him as "your Divineness" and bow appropriately. Additionally, he warned that all critics of the Republic would be rounded up and held indefinitely in English jails where proper methods of torture would be introduced to reform their "rebellious attitudes".
Emperor Brown has denied reports that his devious adventure in transforming the British nation has attracted the attention of Scotland Yard Police.
Superintendent Harry "snapper" Organs of Q Division explains:
"We at the Division have decided to act on a hunch as usual and launch an enquiry into whether the ex Prime Minister has efectively lost his nerve."
These enquiries will be concluded next week by which time it is expected that "the Emperor" will be suitably confined under the Mental Health Act. Meanwhile, ordinary Brits can just carry on murdering one another.