Written by Nae mair crap
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Tuesday, 13 April 2010

image for Scottish teuchters banned from wearing balaclavas when voting
awa and dinnae be silly, it's too cauld for wearing that here

Residents of the Highlands and Islands and some inner cities in Scotland are calling "foul, it's no fair" on reading on their Official Polling Cards that the wearing of balaclavas in Polling Stations is banned.

"It's so cauld up here" moaned a teuchter in Highland Scotland, "We need to wear the balaclava tae keep the heat in. Thae bureaucrats in London en Edinburgh have a cushy number in their central heated semis, but we struggle wi oor peat fires a year. The Polling clerks ken us all, there's only 20 voting in my Polling Station, in that there cosy wee but n' ben in the village"

" The snow can fa even in May and that wind, och man, it blaws a gale doon this valley. We might no come oot tae vote, nothing else for it"

The Returning Officer for Auchenshoogle Tattiebogle made it clear that the prohibition order was merely to prevent fraud, "We need to see their faces in case of duplicate voting. People up here can be dead for years but apparently, still vote. We cannot have that. It does not help they we cannot understand their language and they all have ginger hair and freckles, how can we tell them apart. They must all be related"

As to the situation in Scotland's inner cities, the Scottish Office could not comment as it is a matter of National Security and covered by the Official Secrets Act. It is alleged that multiple voting is extensive. The chavs are paid in drink and drugs depending on how many times they are able to vote before being arrested.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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